altar serov

I'm the type of guy who can't help but be overprepared. It's something I've been struggling with my whole life. I have so much I want to share but my mind tells me that until "everything is set up" everything is "perfect", I can't put it out here. What is perfect anyway? lol I don't expect things to just happen to me, but in the off chance there's an iota of support out there, I want to be ready.

xx Altar

There are many reasons why we do things. Sometimes they make complete rational sense. Other times they don't make sense at all. Even worse than that is the middle-road, the grey option: rationally it makes sense but emotionally it doesn't really parse. Creating this website is one of those middle things for me. I have been writing for as long as I can remember (and I'm several decades old), longing to produce words that mean something, words that I can share with even the smallest corner of the internet. I've never had to guts to be this vulnerable before. I always thought that it couldn't be worth the oppressive breath of potential failure breathing down my neck but if I don't ever do something, I'll just do nothing and that is undeniably, so much worse.

So here I am, settling into the idea of having a place to put all of this. I have been convinced by those who mean a lot to me that it is worth trying. Everyone starts somewhere — it's never too late.I am at the point in my life where I learned a difficult lesson. I've never been a capitalist, nor have I been a capitalism apologist, but even so, in order to maintain the rights I have where I am, I fell into that machine, dedicating so much of my best work to something that in the end, did not give a fuck about me. Ten years of my work, of me down the toilet. I won't do it again.

I'm so thankful for any who decide my writing is worth reading, worth enjoying. I don't exactly know how to find you right now, but I hope someday I will.

xx Altar